The Sugar Glider Who Couldn't Glide

Well Well Well....

Today was a bright and beautiful day, a little chilly but my room was filled with the awesome uv rays of our favourite star, Madam Sunny (very good for the skin, i must say).

Thus, I decided to skip happily to the kitchen, wrap up the rubbish and take it out ( to those who are unfamiliar with my apartment, there's a rubbish chute down the hall where we just dump our rubbish 26 floors down and hear a satisfying smash after 7 secs)


Anyway, since i just woke up, i looked like the usual hobo but i thought "what the heck, its no fashion walk down the hall!" Right?

WRONG!!

After hearing the smash of my rubbish down the chute, I continued my light double skip back to my door, when suddenly......

The door to my neighbour's apartment opened and out came several Heidi Klums and Naomi Campbells.

All i could do was think "what the bluckering bluck kinda luck is this frack!" while scurried away like a sugar glider who couldn't glide and has a hobo fashion sense.

Thus, my theory that there EXISTS Murhphy's Rubbish Throwing Law is proven.

Cheer up mothafuckas

Anyways, the world isn't just gonna go bright and shiny the way you want it to.
Dream on.

So just try to be happy with whatever stuff you get.
:)

Of broken Mirrors and card-eating machines

It all started with the mirror. That freaking mirror.
Well, it didn't do anything much except show me my reflection and break. >.<
So i presumed there was nothing much.

So there i was gallivanting upon the streets near the place i stay. And suddenly i was
ASSAILED by a sudden spontaneous thought.

why dont i withdraw money from the atm machine nearby?


And so i proceeded to the bank with such style that three pigeons died when i floated by.

I ambled into the bank and headed straight to the atm machine [ in which turned out to be a deposit machine ]

I was shocked.

And disappointed with myself.

Unfazed, i strutted with confidence towards the atm machine.

And that buggered thing chomped on my card and told me.

Your card has been retained.


I like to retain cards cause i am a motherfucker . IN YOUR FACE loyal customer of this bank! BIATCH! 

Figure 1: machine chomping my card

Without wasting a breath, i pulled out my hand phone and dialed the help line.

Hours later, i managed to hear it ringing. Which i thought was the end of the nightmare, but no..  hell no.

I proceeded to wait for years, until the cows that walked by the bank returned home, had babies and passed away peacefully.

Figure 2: Me waiting 

When someone finally answered my phone, the age had already caught up on me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks cause I had already presumed i might have only gotten my questions solved in the afterlife. (<- which is quite a nice song from A7x)

Figure 3: Me pissed

So, i got so pissed I called for backup.

Ya'll know that mah backup aint just for show yo.  haha.

And with that, i ended the battle with quite a happy note.

Happy? :)

This song just makes me happy ^^

Things that cheese me off

Figure 1: spoilt brats

i) People who never actually listen to you. They just continue rambling on and on about how tough life is for them. Once, a guy, an ant and i sat chatting. And this guy went on and on , non-stop ( i now wonder how he breathes, because i paid close attention to his breathing patterns and he never once inhaled.


So I came to the conclusion that either:


i) he has big lungs
ii) he 's actually sent to me and the ant to punish us cause we did so many bad things in our past lives that we deserve some kind of sound violation.
That's right: I believe in karma.
)

And he kept on rambling, i saw the ant voluntarily die of asphyxiation. On hindsight, i think it was the lucky one.

Btw: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asphyxia <- if you don't understand asphyxiation. Which reminds me, I first knew of this word from a muse song.





ii) People who listen to music that cheeses me off, thinking its cool to act like that. It's not that I dislike the person individually, but its the act of listening to the music and thinking it's cool that bothers me so much. I have no idea why.

Figure 2: MnM and Ribena

iii) People who voluntarily undergo a never-ending diet and KEEP complaining about how fat they are around people who are obviously fatter than them.These eternal dieters have no firm grasp of the word 'exercise' because the only way for them to slim down is to
i) deprive their bodies of nutrients 
ii) complain a lot. 

Figure 3: the slim girl and the fat ant

iv) Guys who deliberately shrink their balls when they talk to girls and then somehow become a major pain in the ass in front of their other male friends. 


I have no idea why or how they have acquired the skill to shrink their balls at will and speak so softly it hurts to watch( cause i can't hear shit) and turn around and switch a new pair of big golden balls and starts strutting around like a pig on display.
I think they might have some kind of chi-flowing around their bodies, to regulate blood-flow to the ahem..balls.

Figure 4: Ball shrinking abilities 

Next up: Pistol shrimps!

Sad Sugar Glider

It is,

apparently illegal to have a sugar glider as a pet in the land of Oz?

Sad, so so sad :'(

Life would be easier in uni ... if i were a sugar glider

If i were a sugar glider:

i) Lecture sessions would be easier, provided i grew a mustache.


I would glide on top of the lecturer in circles, preferably at speeds above 10000000000 rpm. causing the air pressure above him to change to such an extent,
he would be warped away into another dimension. And hence save the class two hours of their precious lives where they could be spending on drugs, alcohol and what not.

Figure 1a : Before warping

Figure 1b: After warping

ii) earn some respect by leaving a Mohawk, because EVERYONE knows not to mess with a sugar glider with a Mohawk.

Figure 2: Mohawk flying is cool

Pros of Mohawk: - fashionable
                           - earn some respect in the streets
                           - if you invest enough wax, you could make it hard enough to kill people

Cons:  it is hard to fly sideways with a Mohawk. (Wind resistance)

Pets I would buy

Pets i would buy if i had the chance:

i) buy a hundred Sugar gliders. And let them glide around my room, 

something like this. but x 100 of them. cause they are so darn cool.

And i took the time to draw this because when i wanted to copy an image URL from google, but they bitched to me about copyright infringement and stuff. 

Why are sugar gliders cool? 

 a )  cause they can glide around  the room in circles. If you train them hard enough, they will fly in circles fast enough to open a vortex that will allow you to slow down time. 

  b) they have nice fur coats , nice to sleep on. (note: not recommended as might cause suffocation and consequent death of sugar glider)

  c) They can Hang on yer shoulder .. which means you can bring them to lecture classes and talk to them when you don't want to answer a question from the lecturer. 

 d) They make perfect sparring partners, and more importantly assassins 

ii) buy an exotic spider like the Jumping spider to eat all the mosquitoes in my room. There seems to be an never-ending supply of those little bitches sucking away at my blood. After a brief calculation, i think i have lost enough blood to make even a cow shit in its pants. (Not that cows have pants). <- if you didn't already know. 

Picture from wiki : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumping_spider

I seriously suspect there's a mosquito breeder out somewhere near my townhouse. They come in swarms and just attack you, sucking every drop of blood and bringing it back somewhere to the zergling hive or something. I swear a cow would die of blood lost (Exsanguination)  if a quarter of those in my room decide to go cow-hunting. 

Here are some fun facts about jumping spiders:

  a) they jump pretty well

  b)  They have a well-developed internal hydraulic system which extends their limbs by altering the pressure of body fluid( spider gooey blood) within them. 

 c) They have awesome vision. They have very good vision centered in their Anterior Median Eyes(AME). 

     They may have up to four different kinds of receptor cells, with different absoroption spectra, giving them     the possibility of up to tetrachromatic color vision. ( Like the zebrafish, and the mantis shrimp) <- i think they should be buddies.